The journey of Lyme disease and autoimmune disease is definitely an emotional and physical ride. You fall and you rise all the time, especially in the beginning stages as this becomes your new existence. Accepting this as a new normal takes time and understanding and most of all it means expanding the capacity of your heart and mind. Situations and events happen to us in our life for reasons. Embracing the “why” ends up becoming a beautiful journey, especially when realizing that we are vessels for a great purpose.
There comes a time with managing disease that we start to feel comfortable and much more confident with navigating or thoughts, actions and energy. There are many treatments and self commitment that takes place and so much work to rise. Our whole life is reshaped and everything that once was is no longer. This takes time and becomes an art of self-mastery. It is important to surround yourself with love and a support system that has your best interest in mind, as it helps accelerate the heal. There is a sense of safety from the unknown that we live in with these support systems and loved ones. You basically build a loving tribe around you.
A common thought with those of us who battle chronic autoimmune disease and Lyme disease is that feeling of what it felt like before we went into chronic illness. What is feels like to be “normal” and not have that fear of relapse. I would ask some of my closest people who have been amazing support what I was like before, because I would easily forget. Even to have the freedom of thought to eat, drink and live with minimal consequence is very much something I miss. Or what it’s like to travel without an extra suitcase of meds. (Literally can travel with 40-50 bottles…for that “what if” situation) I am aware that aging will even alter these reactions but it is much different when the reason is based upon chronic disease. Our bodies are in attack mode and our autoantibodies attack our healthy cells. Our trigger points are very sensitive and our immune systems are over reactive. We are always thinking of our body, mind, reactions and results. Even once we transition into the enlightenment phase of growth in our journeys, the thoughts, commitment, discipline will always be there and must remain. There is no doubt that this can be reversed or can calm down, but the process is tedious and takes years to unwind in the layers of healing.
It’s a strange self-dialogue that happens when life changing events take place. I was kind of a yoyo mentally and emotionally in the beginnings. Constantly overriding my fears and thoughts and replaced them with love and happiness, but that was not so easy when you’re really sick. Many times I was just too mentally tired. But I always prayed to my spirit guides and angels for guidance and signs. I had so many signs given to me that I had asked for, but I was committed and listening. I realized when I was in the least resistance, life would just happen to me and for me. In my moments of confusion it was like the clouds would move apart and sun would shine down gracing me with an answer. Much of treating yourself and healing is not a one protocol your healed situation. There are so many levels and every step up that mountainous climb is a step where another decision has to be made that will significantly impact your success. Life became a quest and an educational journey with very little certainty other than my own belief in me.
Autoimmune disease is a disease of your immune system where you cells and tissues are attacked. The challenge with treating autoimmune disease and Lyme disease is that many organs are under attack at any given time, so treatment becomes tricky. Habits and lifestyle play a big role. It is said that the majority of our immune system lives in our gut, with being said most of us have terrible guts and need to focus on creating a clean and oxygenated environment that does not make room for disease. Every move we make can set off another off set of symptoms or internally challenges, creating a shift that can then weaken or damage another organ, which then affects our hormones which then affects our reactions and emotions. Even too much treatment strains the liver and the kidneys, which creates detox issues, I lived through this and am still repairing that damage. Lack of appetite that we have leads to thyroid suppression which creates a chemical l shift in the body creating that emotional disturbance. Hence, the highs and lows of this roller coaster ride.
I have many autoimmune diseases and many confections, which I have been managing and conquering one by one. There was a time where just when I thought I was turning the corner, I was diagnosed with something else. It is very common to have more than one autoimmune disease. This is referred to as polyautoimmunity or a combination of 3 or more autoimmune diseases is called Multiple Autoimmune Syndrome (MAS). Some of my list includes Lyme Disease, hypothyroidism, IBD, Rheumatoid arthritis activation, pernicious anaemia. My treatments would be stacking on top of each other weekly. For a good year my life consisted of iv treatments that caused my veins to collapse. Life became redundant at that time. Even though I was slowly progressing and ever so slowly felt the results, the emotional and mental picture of life at time was not so pretty. Life was one day great, then 2 weeks down, or one week great and then crash for 3 weeks. Never really knowing how to plan around that. Like I had mentioned earlier, I mastered the art of managing these swings by managing my symptoms. Most of these I now have under complete control, but I am definitely still learning and growing in this department. While I am very optimistic and conquering, the highs and lows of this roller coaster ride challenged me daily. Some days I would wake and completely feel disconnected from my identity. I didn’t even know who I was. My mind and body feeling so unreal and detached. In these moments it is hard to believe that one can fall so far from thyself. To help center my thoughts and emotions to keep me a float, I would find myself calling out that little girl from within me to come out to surface. That girl I was before this change in life events. The sense of safety in my identity which often was blurred by so many symptoms. I would also find myself observing the childlike essence in my son as it is a pure and joyful existence which fills my heart and soul with happiness. Thinking of the final destination of that moment and being in gratitude gave me the grace I needed to overcome. I have to admit that I was so grateful for even being able to have that ability to have treatment. There are so many people suffering that do not have access or are not able to have the freedom to commit to treatment.
When treating disease, the protocols are ongoing and often, even to this day I rotate between protocols depending on what’s calling out to me internally. Keeping my inflammation low, and detoxing my pathways is important. As my body is healing every so often it needs a jump start. What I was not aware of in my beginnings of treatment, was that as much as treatment is healing too much of it can do more harm if done in the wrong time. There has to be a balance, the body has to breathe and recalibrate. The body is extremely intelligent and our hard drive works synergistically together. There is a strong communication and electrical energy conducting the healing. We must let that orchestrate in peace.
Many times I would go to treatment feeling fine for the most part and then treatment would throw me off resulting in another week of roller coaster highs and lows. That would always challenge me because it would ripple through to my productivity. I am super ambitious and love producing and that would hurt. I did learn to take that all in strides and during this moments continue in my trainings and studies and be that student I love to be. Staying down was the message to me and I learned to embrace that. Being extremely delicate, sometimes less is more. The funny thing is, if I don’t continuously participate in regular protocols I also can feel ill quickly. As much I need commit to treatment, it is still a balancing act.
Life in general is a roller coaster ride and added obstacles just make everything more entertaining. I learned that finding a method that works for your balance is the best commitment. Be kind and mindful with yourself and daily actions as every action has a positive or negative affect. You are your greatest commitment.